I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize