She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
