i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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