I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
