She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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