how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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