Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
