I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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