I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You can't motorboat a personality
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
