tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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