i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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