I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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