you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
