I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
