I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
