I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
