so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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