OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
