just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
