ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
