I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
