Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
