A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
