you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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