I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
