He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
