oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
