Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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