The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
