dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
