Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
