We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
