Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
