You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
