maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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