Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize