Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
