I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
