i jhust puked up my retainher.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
