I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
