I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...