I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
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Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
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there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?