My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?