I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
This Twitter User’s Story About Meeting A Notorious Serial Killer Will Leave You Shook
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
20+ Wholesome Memes You Need In Your Life Right Now
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers