is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
