Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
