i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
