I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
