Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
