so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
