i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
