I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
