i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
