It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I don't deserve a penis
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
