How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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