Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
