The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
