Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
