Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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