so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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