I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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