i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
