What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I need moral support for this bender
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
