Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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