How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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