i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
