ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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