Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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