I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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