you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
