Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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