oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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