apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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