alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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