Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
