heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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