im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
