so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Farmville is her only friend.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
